The Realization of Life

Everyone has had a dream or aspiration when they were younger to do something or be someone they saw on television or heard on the radio or saw their parents do, right? We all have! It's apart of the American dream, right?

I was thinking about that this morning as I was eating my turkey bacon while simultaneously scraping the bits of waffle from my waffle maker and watching the news. I dreamed of being a meteorologist. I was always fascinated with that name and always loved astronomy; that was until I realized that meteorologists didn't really have much to do with meteors or comets or the cosmos. When I discovered that they were responsible for predicting the weather, that dream transitioned into a nightmare. I was already terrified of lightning, tornadoes, hail, and hurricanes! Ix-nay on meteorology. 

As I got into the age of being able to fully rationalize and understand the terms that I spoke of, I realized I had a penchant for performing. My mom and friends realized it too and it apparently was innate and pre-dated meteorology in terms of interest. I was always around different genres of music but none more than Gospel and R&B. On Saturday morning, it was all about chores. I always had to take out the trash and wash the dishes, my eldest sister always had "something to do" away from home, and my youngest sister was oblivious to everything but still succumbed to cleaning as well. I would be awakened to the scents of Fabuloso, Comet, and Pine-Sol while being serenading back to sleep by the sounds of Patti, Gladys, Sarah Vaughan, and Aretha. I loved the music and to see my mom dance with the broom in her hand snapping her fingers and two-stepping like she was at a personal concert but that still didn't make it better because I had to clean! That is until she would lower the volume and make me sing. I would sing like in front of Aretha herself and the feeling I got was just amazing. These performances spilled over onto gatherings, random days, and holidays! I realized I had a knack for it and I loved the attention. On Sunday mornings, it was bliss! Listening to Shirley Caesar, the Clark Sisters, Yolanda Adams, and the Georgia Mass Choir. Those were the days! We had to get up for church but there was always the best breakfast (my Mommy can cook) which would give you the -itis and you ended up sleeping in the last pew at church anyway! WIN-WIN! 

Back to the lesson though. All those memories are great memories (even the chores) because they included music and the people I loved most, which was at the forefront of my passions even at a young age. I continued singing (never took voice lessons and rarely sang in church because the adult choir always trumped the kids' choir) and strengthened my voice and everyone's faith in me to live my dream. Fast forward through many singing contests, high school musicals, and random bouts of song to August 30, 2013 at 7:00A. That's when that thought hits me and I ask myself: Am I where I want to be, doing what I need to do? I purposely added "need" to that question because you can only be your greatest self if the things in life you set out to do are essential and ultimately a need for you to find fulfillment. I literally stopped scraping the waffle iron and had a piece of bacon between my lips. I knew the answer but that wasn't the problem. The problem was if I said the answer or even thought of saying the answer, then the things that I have done, though short of where I "needed" to be, would make me feel inadequate in a sense.

At the age of 26, I wanted to not only be acting and singing and reciting poetry, but be doing so on a grand level with celebrity status and NO student loans because I was able to pay them off with having such a successful career of course. At this age, I wanted to be truly happy doing something I love. The reality became clear and bleak! I really did want to cry and I fought back the urge to do so or to feel sorry for myself (you should have seen it, this was Oscar-worthy) because even though I was "successful" in the eyes of society, I wasn't successful in my own (the most important ones). Well I went back to eating my bacon and cleaning up my morning mess and, as usual, I bounced back and realized that I may not be where I need to be but I have today and the day after to make this happen. I still needed to be thankful for the opportunities that I have been given and where I was in my life at this point. I realize that I take things for granted and I am not grateful until a moment like that happens or I see something on the television like those God-awful PSA commercials for neglected animals and the kids in Africa.

I realized that many Americans are ungrateful sons of guns! So many holidays are commercialized and it seems many don't know the true meaning of them. I volunteer at the Y sometimes and had a conversation with some children recently about holidays and their meaning. Some of these came from them. Easter is about a bunny and eggs, Halloween is about candy and costumes, Labor day is about a day off to do nothing but BBQ, Thanksgiving is about turkey, and Christmas is about spending outrageous amounts of money on gifts, lights, and trees that don't even grow in our area. It's wonderful that during these holidays we enjoy the customs and traditions set forth by others in the days of yore, however it important to instill in the children the true meaning and history behind what we are celebrating. We should celebrate our Independence Day by popping letters in the mail to soldiers fighting for our country and our freedom and by popping chickens in the oven to sit down with our families and reflect on our freedoms, not pop bottles and fireworks. There are so many places where there is no freedom--not even a freedom to think for yourself--and women and kids are seen as inferior. There are still places where you can't love who you want to love or be what you want to be. The dreams and aspirations we have stay as they are and rarely become realities because we are so lax and complacent that someone else will make them happen for us or we just label them as impossible because we don't want to sacrifice. The older I get, the more I realize that if I didn't have it as well as I do, I would be a better person and be more thankful. Don't get me wrong, I have worked hard to earn the things that I have and have no one for assistance in doing so but this is because I was raised that way. If I truly had it hard all my life and didn't get scholarships to school, didn't have a caring and supportive mother and family, lived below the poverty line and had no reference of what success was or no one to encourage me, then to be where I am today would make it all the more worth it to keep climbing and to do the things that I always wanted to but couldn't.

That, my dear bloggers, is the realization of life. It comes in spurts and unfortunately only lasts long enough to keep our attention until the commercial ends and Breaking Bad or the Real Housewives comes back on. I don't know about you but I want to be remembered, I want to have a legacy. Making our dreams come true doesn't involve anything but our imagination and being creative to make our images real. If you are reading this, reach back in that memory bank of yours and pull out your oldest dreams and make them possible! Ms Hepburn said it best: "Nothing is impossible, it says so in the word, IM-Possible!"

This Labor day weekend won't be for a 3-day weekend of booze and barbecue with the slightest inkling of why I'm off for an extra day. It will be to take my unemployed friend out for dinner, rehearsal for a production that will further advance me to the front of the line for my turn at being a superstar, a nice discussion with the kids at the Y about the true meaning of Labor Day, and quality time with my brother and my pup Aidan Cade (the best rat terrier on this side of the Mason Dixon line). You should do the same or at least urge someone else to do the same. Realization of something doesn't come from living your life everyday, it comes from everyday not living the dreams you first created to make your life great and get you where you need to be to become your greatest self. I told myself I want to end this blog with a bang so here it goes... BANG.

The Detox Method

Have you ever felt like you needed to just get rid of things, people, and even memories from your life? Don't lie. I know you have. It's a normal and healthy process. It's just like spring cleaning. Quite frankly, if you don't then you would be considered a hoarder and we have all seen how they turn out to be. I felt that way yesterday and so as an introductory welcome I want to talk about that. It ties in to wanting a new beginning and starting a new beginning, in life, in mind, and in blogging.

About a month ago, I was scrolling through Pinterest (my guilty pleasure) liking and pinning recipes and wellness posts when I came across this article about detoxing. At first, I shamefully admit, that I thought this had something to do with someone who had been exposed to kryptonite and needed to be detoxified at an undisclosed location in the Arizona desert however, upon further review, I realized that this was just what I needed. I clicked on the post and read through it. It seemed easy. It chronicled how to execute a successful detox process which will rid your body of unwanted toxins in your own home with very simple and inexpensive items:

• Epsom salt which replenishes magnesium levels and aids in creation of proteins in the joints
• baking soda which has great cleansing abilities and anti-fungal properties
• ground ginger which increases heat levels and stimulates the sweat glands
• aromatherapy oils which have therapeutic properties

I decided I might as well give it a try. I gathered up my ingredients, filled up the garden tub, popped in a Maxwell CD, turned off the lights, and lit up a BBW chamomile candle. I stayed in the tub for 45 minutes (thank you Siri for timing me.) After 5 minutes I began to sweat, A LOT. It was crazy! I kept my eyes closed and I could feel the constant beads of sweat jumping off my forehead (I swear I heard one scream "CANON BALL!") Any who, I really began to feel relaxed and noticeably better than when I first got in. It was hard to finish, though! 45 minutes in darkness with only candle light and soft music ends up not being so "nice" for many of us especially myself. I kept moving and shifting. It almost seemed like I was in a hyperbaric chamber. It's not that hard to really "lose your mind" if you just let go. To have to go through that seemed more like torture than a therapeutic cleansing. I basically had to focus on thoughts of my youth to get through it and once I found something to latch on to it was easy. The next thing I knew, I was gasping for air because I dozed off and slowly slid under the water! I gained my composure, laughed it off and finished my detox.

I must say that  this was something that I didn't expect. When I got out of the tub, it felt like a spiritual catharsis and I had to write about this. However, where would I write about it? Myspace is practically non-existent, Twitter was too short, Facebook was too self-absorbed, Instagram was obsessed with memes, and email (well who reads that?) I decided I should try a blog. A new beginning in a seemingly "new body" should yield a new beginning on yet another social networking medium where I can express my thoughts in paragraphs rather than characters and Emoji.

Seriously, however, this really made me think about how we experience new beginnings all the time. We are always reorganizing, rejuvenating, reinvigorating, and rethinking the concept of ourselves. We mark those moments with a new hair cut, a new wardrobe, a new significant other. Every little change that makes us feel differently and stay feeling that way qualifies us as having a new beginning. It's quite amazing! Who says we can't be reborn? The detox flushed out the things in my body that were making me sick, stressed, and less productive which made me feel like a new and improved person. Well an improved person. How can something be new AND improved? Today I feel totally different in a good way, like I could conquer the world if it weighed 20 lbs. less than me kind of way.

Today, as I stare at this 23' computer screen, I see the same things with the same eyes that I have seen Monday-Thursday however I approach them differently. I'm more attuned, vested, and attentive to what I'm seeing and how I respond to it. It could be that detox is, simply put, a placebo. A process that I initiate that gives me the moxie to complete it and feel differently after it's done. Who cares, though? A load of rubbish or not, I do feel differently and I encourage you to do the same. Feel differently about everything. When we feel differently about something or look at it from a different perspective we get to be someone else and think like someone else because it's not how we normally think and perceive things. This enriches the bond that we have with our other earthling counterparts. Interesting huh? Not as interesting as the Icicle of Death, but nonetheless it does carry some weight.

Though we always say we want to sit and ponder and reflect on the things that we need to add, subtract, and clear from our lives, have you ever tried doing so? Really, have you tried sitting down at the kitchen table or lying in bed and really reflecting without the distractions of cell phones, tablets, TV, radio, or another person? It's really hard! Even with all those distractions not there to distract you, we find it difficult to stop thinking about those distractions or simply wander away from the topic at hand because we are too connected to technology or we are scared to go to that place of self-discovery. There are many ways to detox and I for one feel that this should be a necessary routine in every one's life. Hmmm. This would make for a great play. Any who, here is to the completion of my first blog. I want to end my very first blog with a bang and I intend to do so, so here it goes... BANG.