The Realization of Life

Everyone has had a dream or aspiration when they were younger to do something or be someone they saw on television or heard on the radio or saw their parents do, right? We all have! It's apart of the American dream, right?

I was thinking about that this morning as I was eating my turkey bacon while simultaneously scraping the bits of waffle from my waffle maker and watching the news. I dreamed of being a meteorologist. I was always fascinated with that name and always loved astronomy; that was until I realized that meteorologists didn't really have much to do with meteors or comets or the cosmos. When I discovered that they were responsible for predicting the weather, that dream transitioned into a nightmare. I was already terrified of lightning, tornadoes, hail, and hurricanes! Ix-nay on meteorology. 

As I got into the age of being able to fully rationalize and understand the terms that I spoke of, I realized I had a penchant for performing. My mom and friends realized it too and it apparently was innate and pre-dated meteorology in terms of interest. I was always around different genres of music but none more than Gospel and R&B. On Saturday morning, it was all about chores. I always had to take out the trash and wash the dishes, my eldest sister always had "something to do" away from home, and my youngest sister was oblivious to everything but still succumbed to cleaning as well. I would be awakened to the scents of Fabuloso, Comet, and Pine-Sol while being serenading back to sleep by the sounds of Patti, Gladys, Sarah Vaughan, and Aretha. I loved the music and to see my mom dance with the broom in her hand snapping her fingers and two-stepping like she was at a personal concert but that still didn't make it better because I had to clean! That is until she would lower the volume and make me sing. I would sing like in front of Aretha herself and the feeling I got was just amazing. These performances spilled over onto gatherings, random days, and holidays! I realized I had a knack for it and I loved the attention. On Sunday mornings, it was bliss! Listening to Shirley Caesar, the Clark Sisters, Yolanda Adams, and the Georgia Mass Choir. Those were the days! We had to get up for church but there was always the best breakfast (my Mommy can cook) which would give you the -itis and you ended up sleeping in the last pew at church anyway! WIN-WIN! 

Back to the lesson though. All those memories are great memories (even the chores) because they included music and the people I loved most, which was at the forefront of my passions even at a young age. I continued singing (never took voice lessons and rarely sang in church because the adult choir always trumped the kids' choir) and strengthened my voice and everyone's faith in me to live my dream. Fast forward through many singing contests, high school musicals, and random bouts of song to August 30, 2013 at 7:00A. That's when that thought hits me and I ask myself: Am I where I want to be, doing what I need to do? I purposely added "need" to that question because you can only be your greatest self if the things in life you set out to do are essential and ultimately a need for you to find fulfillment. I literally stopped scraping the waffle iron and had a piece of bacon between my lips. I knew the answer but that wasn't the problem. The problem was if I said the answer or even thought of saying the answer, then the things that I have done, though short of where I "needed" to be, would make me feel inadequate in a sense.

At the age of 26, I wanted to not only be acting and singing and reciting poetry, but be doing so on a grand level with celebrity status and NO student loans because I was able to pay them off with having such a successful career of course. At this age, I wanted to be truly happy doing something I love. The reality became clear and bleak! I really did want to cry and I fought back the urge to do so or to feel sorry for myself (you should have seen it, this was Oscar-worthy) because even though I was "successful" in the eyes of society, I wasn't successful in my own (the most important ones). Well I went back to eating my bacon and cleaning up my morning mess and, as usual, I bounced back and realized that I may not be where I need to be but I have today and the day after to make this happen. I still needed to be thankful for the opportunities that I have been given and where I was in my life at this point. I realize that I take things for granted and I am not grateful until a moment like that happens or I see something on the television like those God-awful PSA commercials for neglected animals and the kids in Africa.

I realized that many Americans are ungrateful sons of guns! So many holidays are commercialized and it seems many don't know the true meaning of them. I volunteer at the Y sometimes and had a conversation with some children recently about holidays and their meaning. Some of these came from them. Easter is about a bunny and eggs, Halloween is about candy and costumes, Labor day is about a day off to do nothing but BBQ, Thanksgiving is about turkey, and Christmas is about spending outrageous amounts of money on gifts, lights, and trees that don't even grow in our area. It's wonderful that during these holidays we enjoy the customs and traditions set forth by others in the days of yore, however it important to instill in the children the true meaning and history behind what we are celebrating. We should celebrate our Independence Day by popping letters in the mail to soldiers fighting for our country and our freedom and by popping chickens in the oven to sit down with our families and reflect on our freedoms, not pop bottles and fireworks. There are so many places where there is no freedom--not even a freedom to think for yourself--and women and kids are seen as inferior. There are still places where you can't love who you want to love or be what you want to be. The dreams and aspirations we have stay as they are and rarely become realities because we are so lax and complacent that someone else will make them happen for us or we just label them as impossible because we don't want to sacrifice. The older I get, the more I realize that if I didn't have it as well as I do, I would be a better person and be more thankful. Don't get me wrong, I have worked hard to earn the things that I have and have no one for assistance in doing so but this is because I was raised that way. If I truly had it hard all my life and didn't get scholarships to school, didn't have a caring and supportive mother and family, lived below the poverty line and had no reference of what success was or no one to encourage me, then to be where I am today would make it all the more worth it to keep climbing and to do the things that I always wanted to but couldn't.

That, my dear bloggers, is the realization of life. It comes in spurts and unfortunately only lasts long enough to keep our attention until the commercial ends and Breaking Bad or the Real Housewives comes back on. I don't know about you but I want to be remembered, I want to have a legacy. Making our dreams come true doesn't involve anything but our imagination and being creative to make our images real. If you are reading this, reach back in that memory bank of yours and pull out your oldest dreams and make them possible! Ms Hepburn said it best: "Nothing is impossible, it says so in the word, IM-Possible!"

This Labor day weekend won't be for a 3-day weekend of booze and barbecue with the slightest inkling of why I'm off for an extra day. It will be to take my unemployed friend out for dinner, rehearsal for a production that will further advance me to the front of the line for my turn at being a superstar, a nice discussion with the kids at the Y about the true meaning of Labor Day, and quality time with my brother and my pup Aidan Cade (the best rat terrier on this side of the Mason Dixon line). You should do the same or at least urge someone else to do the same. Realization of something doesn't come from living your life everyday, it comes from everyday not living the dreams you first created to make your life great and get you where you need to be to become your greatest self. I told myself I want to end this blog with a bang so here it goes... BANG.