Another Story of My Life

"By all means be angry. There is, however, never a reason to be cruel."

I remember hearing this often from my grandmother. I couldn't discern the difference when I was younger but I do now and I believe this wholeheartedly. I find that so many people today would be prefer to be cruel for no reason other than to be cruel and exact revenge.

I've heard horror stories of people shooting and stabbing others because of verbal arguments, drivers running people off roads because they lost a race or were cut off, and the youth of today becoming ever so belligerent because they read things from social media and start to lash out at anyone for something that has nothing to do with them.

When did simple communication and conversation cease to be used a tool to diffuse situations? I'm a millennial youth but I'm old enough to remember being taught about using positive communication, not my hands or other weapons, to handle situations. I most certainly was taught to exude whatever emotion I felt but in a positive way.

I wanted to write about this topic because I recently participated in an open forum which discussed the lack of communication skills in many individuals and their inability to handle conflict effectively and maturely. It was interesting because it started with a simple statement "Communication is essential to everyone."

Now one would guess that this would be a pretty straightforward and amicable discussion. Guess again. It was a train wreck. Being I'm in graduate school studying a concentration grouped under communication, I felt this would be great insight into a diverse group of professionals, how they interact, and how well they used what they learned in both their personal and professional lives. Needless to say, all of that went out of the window.

This was a recorded session as the host needed this data collected to be able to translate it and code it for her project. The first participant to speak immediately stated that they felt communication was essential to only those who could communicate well. As you would expect, this caused a huge cacophony of opinions from the onset of the conversation

The other people immediately rejected that opinion and it was a ping pong tournament of words being shot at people rather than a discussion. One thing I learned is that there are a few topics of discussion that people engage themselves in that are only there to incite anger. Religion, Race, and Politics rarely change a person's mind. More or less, it changes a person's feelings toward you. If you do or don't side with them has an adverse effect on your relationship after the discussion.  Many people left the discussion with chips on their shoulders and probably decided to forget about the happy hour they originally planned on going to.

The discussion started with communication and ended with racial slurs, blatant threats, and fast-beating hearts. Suffice it to say, the host got exactly what she needed and everyone else go what they didn't. I believe things like this stem from upbringing. It's all a cycle that starts with our original educators (our parents). If they weren't talk in the way of effective and open communication, they can't teach us. If we don't learn the proper way, we can't teach our children. It's a cycle.

Nonetheless, this experience taught me to be more mindful of what and how I say things and that elaboration, not confrontation, is the key to getting out unscathed. The problem was not about the anger that many people started to exhibit, it was the fact that is was displaced and they allowed it to ruin plans and even relationships. That's when things got cruel. Personal shots were fired by friends to other friends. The issue became more about an individual's communication flaws rather than how necessary verbal and nonverbal communication is to us as humans.

I suppose this can be a lesson to all of us. The next time your discussing something with someone, pay attention to what and how you say things. Pay attention to your non-verbal behavior. If it's an altercation with someone who is less than favorable in your eyes, try to see if you can control the situation by taking the emotion out of it or at least limiting it. That may make a difference for your and help you to realize that you can still be amicable without being friendly.

I wanted to end this post with a bang so here goes... BANG!

What's Going On?

"It's not about the years that are in your life, it's about the life that is in your years." You've all heard this... many times I'm sure. 

Why don't we follow this affirmation? We have gotten entirely too bogged down with making money and spending it that we have forgotten about what living truly is. 

Maybe I'm just rambling. Maybe I just needed to vent. Maybe I'm supposed to be telling you this. Maybe I just don't give a.... 

Okay. The reason for this post today is simply to bring back awareness and spread the message that we need to start thinking about fun more than we do about a bill. Our days on this earth are limited and quite small. We need to give back to others as well. When did the amount of money you have determine the quality of care you were going to receive or whether you would live or die?

I was listening to Tom Joyner this morning and there was a story about a small clinic that had to shut their doors for a period of time because the workers and counselors walked out and there was no one to man or woman their stations. Because of this, hundreds of people who frequented that clinic (for free) missed out on urgent and essential care.

Many made comments stating we didn't know the circumstances surrounding the walk out but I can still speculate it had something to do with money. I know for certain that they didn't walk out because they wanted to get a V-8. Anyway, it made me ponder on how we have centered our society around money. 

It's because of money that we have good or bad days, stressful or wonderful chapters in life, and have to sacrifice and budget. There is nothing wrong with having a medium of exchange but when that medium causes you to betray your principles and values to steal and kill we have a problem Houston.

I really could be over thinking this. I could honestly be going off the deep end and allowing this one story to affect me in such an emotional way because I'm on my MANustration. I don't know. What I do know is that I really dislike how our nation is evolving. 

Do you ever think about how life will be in 25 years? 2039. Well Apophis may have either destroyed us or we may be living in peace and merriment where everyone gets along and helps each other in need. (insert chirping crickets) Seriously, things are crazy and hectic now so imagine how things will be in the years to come. Things must get worse before they can get better.

I'm not trying to be pessimistic about our lives but I do feel that we should enrich each other's life instead of contributing to the inadequacy that so many individuals feel trying to "measure up" to fantasy created by the very people who despise it.

Was the world supposed to end up like this or did it become this way because of our own free will and intelligence? THINK. THINK HARDER. There has been a consistent change each century in the people that have lived through each one. It seems today everything that we do relies on technology. Just when we thought technology has peaked, something else comes up that fortifies our dependence on it.

Children are born into this and know nothing else. They are forgetting what books feel like, how the pages yield a stale but nostalgic aroma, the feeling of the cold cover, and the sound of the pages as they turn onto each other. They are forgetting about tree houses, mud pies, and hide -n-seek because they now have Fruit Ninja, Angry Birds, and Line Runner. The only exploring they do is with Dora and the only tools they see is Manny's. Seven year olds have Instagram accounts and are changing their statuses to "in a relationship" on Facebook.

What's going on?

It's time to take back our lives and live them like we won't wake up tomorrow. It's not promised anyway.

The human condition is not so human anymore. 

I wanted to end this post with a bang, so here it goes: BANG.

Monday Morning Meeting

As I tried to maintain focus on what was being and the mouth of who was saying it, I realized the harder I fought to concentrate, the easier it was for me to lose concentration and doze off. I fell asleep with my eyes open. 

It was Monday, I was tired, I was bored, and it was Monday. I feel like that sometimes and I will admit that I'm one of the many people who wish that Tuesday would be the first day of the work week and the many who also realize that if it was we would simply hate Tuesday instead of Monday.

Nonetheless, I was brought back from my solitude as the GM's business folder slammed on the table and he said "let's make it a good week." A good week? I can't even make it a good day; hell, not even a good hour because it's Monday! I won't even get into the other feelings I felt and always feel when I drag myself into work on Monday.

I took the liberty of writing a little poem while I was dozing off and forcing myself to stay awake:

Sitting in this chair, they don't even give a care

          10 balloons in my hands cuz they're blowing hot air

I'm rising to the ceiling, a super duper feeling 

I have a winning hand, but no one's really dealing

My mind is pacing everywhere, thinking what should I do

Camouflaging all my thoughts when I really know the truth

I'm loyal, honest, talented, compassionate to boot

Integrity all through my veins but no one gives a hoot

With my skills I close deals making money for the corp 

Oration is my specialty my paycheck says it's not

So I just sit like a minion thinking this is all wrong

While my ideas are being used by "the man" like they're his own


I try to stand, raise my hand, I just want all of you to see me

I'm ignored, now I'm bored in my Monday Morning Meeting.

I don't know about all of you but my Mondays only exist on the extreme plane. They are either really good or really bad. I suppose if I was making 6 figures everything would be fine, right? Wrong. The money is an issue but it not the problem or the solution. "Do what you love and you never have to work a day in your life." I know you have heard that quote before and it's true. So true. I'm still young but I have had jobs back then that offered me that "fun factor." Now that I'm a professional in the "real world" I still long for that balance of fun and responsibility with a nice paycheck that shows my value in the company. I long for Profunsionalism.

Profunsionalism. if you actually use context clues, is a merging of professionalism and fun. You don't come across companies with a culture like that but when you do, hold on for dear life to them. I sit back and think to myself: "I just wrote all of this from how I felt about a Monday morning meeting?" I guess it will do it to you. You can draw inspiration from any place you can feel despair. Darn that's a good quote. :-)

Anyway though, I suppose it's up to YOU to prevent forest fires and also complacency at work. Your job is a place where you see your coworkers more than you see your spouse, family, significant others, pets, and friends. For more than 8 hours a day you are in a building, automobile, or other vessel with someone who gets paid from the same company as you so why not make that relationship as pleasant, positive, and fruitful as could be?

I'm learning this right now. Yes, it's difficult but so is learning to walk for the first time. Babies are fierce and fearless however and they don't even realize it (heck, they don't even realize they drool) but nonetheless we must display that same fearlessness and drive to make things work when it seems they never will. The Monday morning meeting is the perfect place to start because on Mondays no ones wants to be at work or sitting in a meeting discussing mundane tasks, goals for the week, and issues that happened the week prior. This is the perfect environment to begin with a joke or donuts or even a pat on the back or standing ovation for the collective work the company has done to keep their doors open another week.

In closing, nothing that is corny is bad but it's made of corn and corn is used in lots of things today especially Mexican food and who can resist Mexican food?

I wanted to end this post with a bang so here it goes. BANG!

"New Year, New Me"

It's official! The New Year has arrived and everyone is back to the "New Year New Me" state of mind which baffles me because no one ever commits and follows through with it. It's more of a tool people use to impress others and to make others think that they are making the extra effort to transform themselves into someone they will never be.

I don't get that because the fact of the matter is there will never be a "new you." You can tweak yourself, make yourself over, and transform yourself into a better person but you can't be a new you because for that to happen you couldn't exist. When something is new, there is no copies of it or traces of a template. That's why I never understood how commercials state things are new AND improved. How can that be? The saying should be "New You, Better Me."

I saw a quote that read: "Tomorrow is the first blank page of a 365 page book. Let's make it a good one." I love that! We do write the story of our lives which ultimately culminates into a massive anthology of books. We must really decided how we want those books to read.

This year let's just improve upon who we are. Let's communicate effectively, listen intently, smile profusely, and do the right thing even when no one is watching. A start would be putting down your cell phone and actually talking to people instead of texting. It would mean hugging someone without the use of emoji. It would mean sending a hand written letter to someone you love as opposed to email. Let's get back to the simpler things. 

The resolutions some of us made last year have still not been fulfilled but we want to make new ones for another year? Resolutions should only be made if you are making them for the sole purpose of improving your life and it must not be a fad but a lifestyle change. This goes for the dieters as well. You won't lose weight/inches and keep it off if you are dieting. Eating right is a lifestyle change that requires you to make it a habit. It's not seasonal like Christmas decorations. 

There are so many different venues for us to improve ourselves. I've come up with tips for each aspect of our complete self that we can work on going into 2014 to become improved individuals:

• Mental Aspect - As you know, our minds are flooded with the to-do lists, alarm clocks, and deadlines we are to meet if we are to be hard-working and reliable individuals in life. To combat this, take a time management course online or in person. Time management skills are important in every relationship (professional and personal) and help us to chart out our day and designate which priorities deserve the most time and when we take care of them. I've learned that when we are organized mentally, it yields a certain satisfaction and a feeling of purpose especially when you realize that some of the decisions you make aid others in their day. I learned this and I'm so glad that I was afforded the opportunity to be taught time management--it is a process however. There is so much noise that goes on in our day that it can be difficult to think about our selves and what we need. Organize your thoughts, organize your day, organize your life.
• Physical Aspect - If you ask any person something that they would like to improve about themselves, the vast majority will tell you something that is physical.This is where eating right, exercising, and treating yourself comes in. Earlier in the post I mentioned making a lifestyle change. 
• Make the choice and take the challenge of changing what and how much you eat. No one is saying all you can eat is "rabbit food," as my grandmother puts it, but it's important to know what you are ingesting. There are these labels on every food that half the population does not even read. They are called "nutrition facts" and tell you everything you need to know about what you are about to eat or drink. Read Them. Eating certain foods is scientifically proven to make you feel either good or bad. Why do you think you feel groggy and disoriented when you wake up in the morning  after taking a late night trip to McDonalds? Certain chemicals we simply don't need in our body. Cook your own food. It's not difficult to go to the store and buy ground beef or turkey and make a burger that will yield a healthier meal. Instead of eating a whole Hershey bar, eat half and then try to decrease to a 1/4. Moderation is paramount! Search online for healthy eating regimens and lifestyle changes. I guarantee you will feel better after changing up the foods you eat.
• Exercise has always been an issue for some people. Instead of focusing on the hard work it will take to shed the pounds focus on the end result. Find someone who has been through it and talk to them. Anything worth having is worth working for. Keep in mind that this helps to alleviate many health issues that we have as we get older. Put down the Big Mac before you get a heart attack. Pick up dumb bell if you want to know the secret to living long and well. Eating right and in moderation in addition to an active exercise regimen is the key to heightened self-esteem, positive attitudes, defined bodies, and good internal health.You can start off slow and then begin to add more to your regimen. Along the way you will find certain exercises that you like. It doesn't matter what you do, just do something. A little of something will save you a lot of nothing.
• Spiritual Aspect - This is something that many people neglect and confuse with other things. Being spiritual does not mean you are religious. This means that you are more aware of the metaphysical universe through meditation, prayer, and wellness. Some people's lives are so topsy turvy because nothing is keeping them grounded, organized, and motivated spiritually. When are you not at "one" with yourself you are most probably spreading yourself too thin, not allowing time for yourself to self-heal, self-talk, and self-assure. As humans we all need that. Why? My grandmother put it very simply: We are all spiritual beings on a human journey. In her opinion, and I do concur, our short life on this earth is simply to help us remember the emotions that are exclusive only to the human race. If we don't experience these emotions, we aren't really living or dying. Find something or someone that you can you find solace in. Create your own special person or place. I guarantee you after a few months of enhancing your spirituality, you'll be more calm, less tense, happier, and so organized.
• Financial Aspect - DUN DUN DUUUUUUUUN! After Christmas it seemed like we all went from Ho, Ho, Ho to Owe, Owe, Owe! :-) It's a normal thing with us but it shouldn't be. Budgeting is much more economical, logical, and appealing when it comes to ensuring you have money year round, aren't bouncing checks like a basketball, and not living paycheck to paycheck. Firstly, stop spending money on impulse. You can buy what you want when you have enough 500-1000 dollars left over from bills each month. Until then, put that money in a savings account or do a 52-week challenge like I've been doing for a couple years. What's a 52-week challenge? I'm glad you asked. Take a look at the picture below:
  
   Upon completing this, you will have over 1300.00 dollars that you can do whatever you choose to with. It's simply WAM (Walk Around Money) as my father used to call it. In regards to financial stability, part of being stable is using what you NEED and eliminating what you don't. Do you really need that cable package? Must you get a mani/pedi every two weeks? Is every shirt you see at Armani Xchange your favorite? Find out some things that you can do without and do without them. My motto is sacrifice now to live lovely later (L.L.L.).
• Emotional Aspect - I, along with other people, struggle with this. If you are to make this lifestyle change and come around full circle then you must commit to it. K.I.S.S (Keep It Simple Stupid). Just as you are to keep everything simple, so is it essential to keep your life simple and as they say "drama free." Worry about others' problems after you resolve your own and only assist with the issues don't take them on! I am always the one who is considerate of everyone else's problems, concerns, and feelings and always put my own on the back burner. Sometimes I feel like I am taking the burdens of the world on my shoulders and it becomes so unbearable. There comes a time in one's life where you must simply say F*** it All! It's totally okay to be a little selfish at times when it comes to taking care of yourself. In addition to that, you must always express your feelings. Don't hold things in anymore. There are people who have a hold on others from the grave or on the other side of the world because emotions weren't expressed--don't let this happen. Handle all your issues with others and commit to handling any others that come your way maturely, quickly, and hug after (seriously, it works.)

I do hope that this does help you to mold a better you in the new year. If you can't get it all done now, there are years to come. Who is a person? Who we are is the sum of everything we have ever said, done, and felt all wrapped up in one unique thread which is constantly being revised and remembered. To be yourself, you have to constantly remember yourself. I said I wanted to end this post with a bang so here it goes. BANG.