I remember hearing this often from my grandmother. I couldn't discern the difference when I was younger but I do now and I believe this wholeheartedly. I find that so many people today would be prefer to be cruel for no reason other than to be cruel and exact revenge.
I've heard horror stories of people shooting and stabbing others because of verbal arguments, drivers running people off roads because they lost a race or were cut off, and the youth of today becoming ever so belligerent because they read things from social media and start to lash out at anyone for something that has nothing to do with them.
When did simple communication and conversation cease to be used a tool to diffuse situations? I'm a millennial youth but I'm old enough to remember being taught about using positive communication, not my hands or other weapons, to handle situations. I most certainly was taught to exude whatever emotion I felt but in a positive way.
I wanted to write about this topic because I recently participated in an open forum which discussed the lack of communication skills in many individuals and their inability to handle conflict effectively and maturely. It was interesting because it started with a simple statement "Communication is essential to everyone."
Now one would guess that this would be a pretty straightforward and amicable discussion. Guess again. It was a train wreck. Being I'm in graduate school studying a concentration grouped under communication, I felt this would be great insight into a diverse group of professionals, how they interact, and how well they used what they learned in both their personal and professional lives. Needless to say, all of that went out of the window.
This was a recorded session as the host needed this data collected to be able to translate it and code it for her project. The first participant to speak immediately stated that they felt communication was essential to only those who could communicate well. As you would expect, this caused a huge cacophony of opinions from the onset of the conversation
The other people immediately rejected that opinion and it was a ping pong tournament of words being shot at people rather than a discussion. One thing I learned is that there are a few topics of discussion that people engage themselves in that are only there to incite anger. Religion, Race, and Politics rarely change a person's mind. More or less, it changes a person's feelings toward you. If you do or don't side with them has an adverse effect on your relationship after the discussion. Many people left the discussion with chips on their shoulders and probably decided to forget about the happy hour they originally planned on going to.
The discussion started with communication and ended with racial slurs, blatant threats, and fast-beating hearts. Suffice it to say, the host got exactly what she needed and everyone else go what they didn't. I believe things like this stem from upbringing. It's all a cycle that starts with our original educators (our parents). If they weren't talk in the way of effective and open communication, they can't teach us. If we don't learn the proper way, we can't teach our children. It's a cycle.
Nonetheless, this experience taught me to be more mindful of what and how I say things and that elaboration, not confrontation, is the key to getting out unscathed. The problem was not about the anger that many people started to exhibit, it was the fact that is was displaced and they allowed it to ruin plans and even relationships. That's when things got cruel. Personal shots were fired by friends to other friends. The issue became more about an individual's communication flaws rather than how necessary verbal and nonverbal communication is to us as humans.
I suppose this can be a lesson to all of us. The next time your discussing something with someone, pay attention to what and how you say things. Pay attention to your non-verbal behavior. If it's an altercation with someone who is less than favorable in your eyes, try to see if you can control the situation by taking the emotion out of it or at least limiting it. That may make a difference for your and help you to realize that you can still be amicable without being friendly.
I wanted to end this post with a bang so here goes... BANG!
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