Office Etiquette 101: Am I the Only One Who Took This Course?

For the many of us who wake up at 7AM and drag ourselves into work at 8AM, we know all too well the many personalities, attitudes, and problems that come along with working in an office setting. I, for one, have recently been exposed to this and have not had any luck changing this negative perception. The worst thing of it all is that people don't hold themselves accountable for their actions, words, or mistakes. If you work in a small office it seriously screams "heightened stress level." Everyone wants to be the boss, everyone knows everything, everyone is never wrong but you, and yet when a big problem arises, you can never find anyone. Add to that, the fact that many of the people you work with may get paid more than you to do less work without even touting one or two notable degrees. I hate dislike the fact that the hierarchy is not well defined and the people at the top have no clue how they got there.

Aside from the many issues you may face at work, none really compares to the little things that people do to irk you, anger you, and just turn your overall pleasant day into a horrible one. I'll start with common things in a small office type setting where there are no "closed" sections. These are some of the things I, and close friends, have noticed in our work settings and wanted to post as a disclaimer to the oblivious culprits.

1. Manners 101

          Many people learn at a very young age the right and wrong accepted and inappropriate behaviors at home, work, and among guests. At work, however, you should not take it upon yourself to dig in your nose and attempt to shake your coworkers hand as if they didn't notice you "digging for gold." Secondly, there is no need for incorporating your reckless behaviors, such as smoking, dipping, or drinking into your work regimen.That should be done on your break, not while you are doing paperwork at your desk. When a coworker is on the phone, there is no need to try and get their attention by waving, hissing, or talking louder than them. They probably do hear, but realize that the money they are making on the phone is more important than the noise you are making to get their attention.No one wants to hear your burps or the odoriferous smells of your flatulence, by the way. If you ate Mexican food for lunch, then take a Beano before you plunge into that fajita plate. Also, there is no need to establish a "farting duel" between you and another coworker. We are not 12 anymore and that always put you and everyone in the office in a stinky situation (pun intended).One that grinds my gears the most is simply saying good morning and good bye. Why on earth would you come to work everyday and see the same people and not tell them good morning or at least reciprocate it when they say it to you? It boggles my mind, how people were brought up to not say these things. Maybe since the world has become so enamored with technology and communication through such human interaction has been put on the back burner. Literally everyday I walk into work and tell my secretary good morning. She never responds or even smiles to show she heard me but just looks at me and turns around. The weird thing about it is I get a text message 15-20 minutes later from her saying good morning and asking if I have anything I need to mail off. WTH?? By the way, you may curse like a sailor, but keep in mind we are on land and far from any ships that are about to set sail. Keep the profanities to a minimum. I don't feel there is anything going on in the world that requires you to use the F-bomb that many times in a day.

• Compliment your coworkers on their efforts
• Say please and thank you when you need something or when something is done for you
• Strive for accuracy and clarity in communicating
• Understand that you are not the only one in the office so bodily ejections should be kept to a minimum
• Make certain that you are considerate of your volume and the subject matter of your conversation
• Sexual humor in the workplace is both offensive and derogatory

     2.  Cleanliness 101

          I never understood why grown adults rely on others to do things for them. Cleaning up after yourself was taught in grade school and the fact that today a man of 30 or even 60 relies on others to clean up after him is ridiculous. When at work, if you decide to bring your lunch, please be sure to clean up after yourself. When I say yourself, I mean to clean up around the areas of your mouth and your hands in addition to anything that may have gotten on your shirt. The worst thing is to have John Doe come back from the lunch area to his office and he stops to chat with you and ends up making a sexual joke while there is a dollop of mayonnaise at the corners of his mouth (barf alert). In addition, you should clean up your area--not by brushing all the bread crumbs off the table onto the floor--by using a rag and cleaning the table in addition to any utensils you may have used. Furthermore, if I have to go to your office, I should not smell the atrocious aroma of the McDonalds hamburger you ate a week ago. Dump your trash or find the partially eaten burger that is buried under your papers. That is disgusting and I'm sure is some type of bacterial hazard. I do not want to see mustard or ketchup stains on the paperwork that you and I worked on together. That makes me look bad. There should not be piece of shredded lettuce being pulled off your desk by worker ants. If there are more than 3 flies flying ONLY around you, then I suggest you use the shower in the work bathroom to clean up a bit.

• Be fresh--shower at home daily
• Clean up your mess
• Wash your dishes
• Pay attention to the things you eat and leave at your desk
• Don't work on important projects while eating sloppy joes

      3.  Smells 101

          Okay, I think that this deserves its own number.  Smells, Aromas, and Scents have long encompassed the office--sometimes scents and smells from 10 years ago just linger within the walls. I have a very sensitive nose and because of this I smell everything that is out of place and out of date. People need to be more considerate in the workplace when it comes to scents especially if they are within close quarters. My office is fine but it seems someone is always in it or passing by it very often. Some of my coworkers smoke, drink work out, and love cologne/perfume. One thing that I cannot deal with is if you walk in the door smelling like you are a Pall Mall cigarette. That is so terrible. The worst part of it all is they don't realize the smell because they have gotten so used to it. The same goes for alcohol. If you are drinking alcohol before you come in to work because you hate your job, the problem is not your job. I do not and cannot deal with you coming into my office and leaning over me and inebriating me with just the scent of the vodka you just consumed. I never understood for the life of me why people don't take baths. If it's not against your religion or you're not allergic to water, you should be dosing yourself with a little H20 and Ivory soap. Those smells are distracting and quite unprofessional. If you don't like the smell what makes you think that I would? If you go to the bathroom and nature is calling, please be sure to end the call by wiping yourself thoroughly and washing your hands to ensure nothing is left behind. Once you see poop on a human, that's probably like the worst thing you can ever see! Lastly, if you love White Diamonds or Chanel No. 5, that is perfect but don't drink the perfume and let it seep slowly through your pores and stink up the office. Too much of a good thing is bad!

• If you're a smoker, let the smoke air out of your clothes before coming back into the office
• If you're a drinker, try not to drink before you come to work. Seek help if you have to drink to get through work
• There is no need to cut your tea or coffee with a little vodka, just drink a Red Bull
• Be considerate of your coworkers and keep your body odor neutral
• Cologne and perfume is to be used to make you smell good and appealing, not as a soap
• If someone tells you that your scent affects their allergies, don't wear it again

These were some of the major don'ts in the office. If you deal with this on a daily basis, it's time to confront the very people who are responsible for this obstruction of etiquette. In order for us to work efficiently and enjoy our work, these hazards must be taken care of. Ring the alarm and announce the issues you have at work! Silence rarely opposes an issue, it simply justifies its continuance to remain as is. I wanted to end this post with a bang so here it goes ... BANG.